ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
