I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
