Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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