I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
