I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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