butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
