Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Randomize
