Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
