next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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