i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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