you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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