Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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