i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
