Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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