I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
