You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Congratulations! We have a period
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