Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize