Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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