was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
