Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
