i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
