We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
