get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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