Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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