When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
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