White coat. Heels.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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