Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
