If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Dick very happy bro
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
