the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
