i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
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