Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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