Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
