I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
she told me i tasted like america
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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