It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
