she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
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