i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
