I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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