and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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