PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We are all done wearing pants today
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
