We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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