So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
