Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
