Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex