Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....