Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.