why didn't you poke me back
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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