A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
