Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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