**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
