if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize