As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
