He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
