oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I need to sanitize my soul.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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