Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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