Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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