I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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