I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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