You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
