God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
