Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
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I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
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My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
All I want is dick and wine.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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