I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
