rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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